The Anecdotes of ROMANIA
FIRST ANECDOTE:
Childhood Memories
by Ion Creangă
"Are you selling that birdie, sonny?"
"Yes, indeed I am, gaffer."
"And what will you take for it?"
"Whatever you think it's worth!"
"Come, let's have a look at it and see what it weighs!"
No sooner had I handed it to him, than the mean wretch, pretending to feel it for eggs, gently loosened the string round its legs and threw it into the air, saying: "Bad luck, it's slipped out of my hand!" The hoopoe with a whirr of its wings landed on the roof of a booth and, having taken a short rest, flew off to Humuleşti leaving me open-mouthed and in tears, staring after it! I then clutched at the old man's coat to make him pay for the bird.
"What do you think you're up to, nuncle? Making so free with a man's goods? If you didn't feel like buying it, why did you let it go? You won't get away with it, mind you, not even with that heifer of yours. Have you got that straight? This is no joke, you know." And I stared the old man in the face and made such a racket that people crowded around us to see the fun; it was better than a peepshow.
"I say, you are a tough one, my boy!" said the old man after a while, laughing. "Why in Heaven's name are you carrying on like that, sonny? Now wouldn't you like to get my heifer for an Armenian cuckoo? It seems to me you're asking for a damn good hiding, you cheeky brat, and I'll give you one, if that's what you want. I'll lay into you so hard, my young fellow, that you'll thank your lucky stars, when I've done with you!"
"Leave the kid alone, nuncle", said a man from our village; "he's the son of Ştefan, son of Petra, a farmer much respected in our village; and you'll get into trouble with him over this."
"Jolly good luck to him, my good man; do you think I don't know Stefan, son of Petra?" the old man said; I saw him just a moment ago stalking about the fair, with his measuring rod under his arm, looking for cloth in the usual way of business. He ought to be around, or in one of the booths wetting the bargain. Glad to know who you belong to, sonny. Just wait a minute and I'll take you to your father and see whether it was his doing that you came to sell hoopoes and make fools of us at the fair."
All was well that far, but when I heard of father my spirits sank, and so I made my way slowly through the crowd and rushed off to Humuleşti, looking over my shoulder to see whether the old man was after me; for truth to tell, I was now anxious to get rid of him. You know the jest: Leave him alone, man! I'd gladly do so but he won't let go of me now!
SECOND ANECDOTE:
The cricket and the ant
parody by Marin Sorescu
First narrator:
The hard-working ant
All the summer worked
And rich store
She gathered.
The cricket, carelessly,
In beautiful nights of May
Kept singing and singing
Sweet like heavenly whispers
To the stars light.
When the cricket was singing
His neighbor, the ant
Was listening.
Second narrator:
Summer goes, winter comes
And the nature changes;
The cloudless nights are gone
The cricket has no food
His song gets numbed
Life tortures him.
First narrator:
What could he do?
He goes to the ant
For some seeds.
The cricket and the ant:
- Dear sister, I ……
I came to ask you to …..
To give me …….. some …..
Until the next spring …….
- No!
- A seed ….. you have a thousand.
- No!
- But everybody knows …..
- I have! … but I don’t want to give you!
What did you do last summer?
- I sang… For me …. For all the others….
- You sang!
- But you listened too!
- You sang. I’m glad. Now dance!
- I’d love to, but …. I’m hungry ….
- Dance!
- Don’t annoy me!
Do you give me or …… (fist)…..?
- No!
- You’re greedy…..
I bow myself before you
But I’ll stretch you a little bit….
Second narrator:
And hanging the violin
The cricket grabs the ant
And starts to kick her
And kick her, and kick her…
Then stops …. (silence)
They stood silently.
The cricket:
- Now, sister, are you lending me some seeds?
The ant:
-Gladly!
THIRD ANECDOTE:
The Visit
by Ion Luca Caragiale
Narrator:
On Saint John’s day, I pay a visit to Mrs. Maria Popescu, an old friend of mine, to congratulate her only son, John Popescu.
John Popescu is a very nice eight years old boy.
I give John a ball and Mrs. Popescu some flowers.
Author:
“My respects, Mrs. Popescu! These are for you!”
Mrs. Popescu:
“My God, what beautiful flowers! How kind of you! Thank you so very much!”
Narrator:
We sit down and speak about weather, agriculture, crisis etc.
Mrs. Popescu tells me about her son.
Mrs. Popescu:
“To tell you the truth, when John was just a little boy it was alright; but now, when he has grown up, I must watch him all day.”
Narrator:
While we are talking, an old woman cries from the room nearby ours.
Servant:
“Look, ma’am, John wouldn’t behave himself!”
Mrs. Popescu:
“John, come here!”
Servant:
“Ma’am, come quickly!”
Narrator:
Mrs. Popescu stands up and tries to enter the other room, but she meets her son. He stops her with a sword in his hand.
Mrs. Popescu:
“Can’t you see what may happen if you don’t behave yourself? You were about to pull my eye off. Would you have liked to kill me? Kiss me to forgive you!”
Narrator:
John kisses her mum and goes to play with his sword. The servant brings us the jam. John attacks her.
Servant:
“Keep him away from me, ma’am!”
Narrator:
Mrs. Popescu stops the boy’s attack. We start to talk again.
Author:
“Do you mind if I smoke?”
Mrs. Popescu:
“Of course not. My husband smokes and I think my son likes it, too.”
Author:
“This is not good. Tobacco is poison.”
John:
“Why do you smoke?”
Narrator:
John eats jam.
Mrs. Popescu:
“It’s enough, John! You’ve already had enough jam! You’re going to have a stomachache again!”
Narrator:
John gets out with the jam and comes back a little later. He takes a cigar and comes to me for a light. I don’t know what to do. His mum tells me to light his cigar.
A little later:
Mrs. Popescu:
“John! Dear! What is wrong with you?”
Narrator:
I look at John and I see him fainting.
Mrs. Popescu:
“My God! He’s sick! Help! My baby is going to die!”
Narrator:
I keep John from falling and tell Mrs. Popescu:
Author:
“Bring some cold water!”
Narrator:
I give John some cold water.
A little later I say goodbye and leave the house.
When I arrive at home, I understand what John did with the jam. He put it into my shoes.
FOURTH ANECDOTE:
The Story of a Lazy Man
by Ion Creanga
Once upon a time there was a very lazy man. He was so lazy that he didn’t even chew his food.
Seeing that he did not want to work at all, all the peasants in the village decided to hang him because he was not a good example for their community.
One day two villagers went to the lazy man’s house. They put him in a cart and took him to the gallows.
On the way to the gallows they met a lady. She did not know anything about the lazy man. She thought he was ill and those two villagers would take him to the doctor. The villagers told her that he was lazy not ill and they were taking him to the gallows because he was not a good example for their community. When the lady heard that, she felt pity for the lazy man. She decided to shelter him in her barn where she had plenty of crumbled bread for him to eat.
“What a lucky man! He is so lazy and has got a lot of good luck!” said the villagers. “Want to go there?” they asked him.
“Is the bread softened enough?” asked the lazy man.
“What a question! I can’t believe my ears! You can soak it by yourself, can’t you?” said the lady.
“What do you think? Want to soak the bread by yourself or not?” the villagers asked the lazy man.
“No way”, said the lazy man. “I prefer being hung to soaking the bread by myself”. Let’s go to the gallows! added the lazy man.
On hearing that the lady told the villagers the lazy man deserved to be hung.
So the villagers took him to the gallows. Thus all the villagers got rid of the lazy man.
Since then nobody in that village has dared to be lazy any more.
FIFTH ANECDOTE:
Five loaves
by Ion Creangă
SIXTH ANECDOTE:
Păcală and his father’s hat
SEVENTH ANECDOTE:
A new school teacher
by Ion Luca Caragiale
The teacher: Honorable audience! We shall try to talk about the general method of teaching grammar and, after that, about the intuitive method of the logic of the things. So, what is Grammar?
The student: Grammar is...
The teacher: What is it? It couldn't be such a great thing!
The student: Grammar is the science about how the language works.
The teacher: Very well, bumpkin. I'm calling you “bumpkin” only to encourage you. Now, tell me, how are the nouns divided?
The student: There are nouns we can see them and nouns we can't see them, concrete and abstract nouns.
The teacher: Let's go further on the pedagogical field and ask: Have you, children, heard about gender? What is gender?
The student: Gender is like thing: masculine, feminine and heterogeneous or neuter. That means: for men, for women and for things which are not men or women.
The teacher: Examples!
The student: Horse is a masculine noun; it changes in mare and becomes a feminine noun.
The teacher: But the neuter gender?
The student: ?!!
The teacher: Neuter gender! If the horse is masculine and the mare is feminine, the mule is neuter.
Narrator: After this explanation, the student must understand completely the gender of all the nouns.
Mathematics comes next.
The teacher: Tell us, Bârsănescule, what do you understand when you say “curve”?
The student: When it is not straight.
The teacher (smiling): Oh! Which is not straight. Ok! But how is it if it is not straight?
The student: It is a line which goes and goes and comes again in the same place it started.
The teacher: Ok! We’ll talk about the intuitive method in pedagogies in our next conference.
FOURTH ANECDOTE:
The Story of a Lazy Man
by Ion Creanga
Once upon a time there was a very lazy man. He was so lazy that he didn’t even chew his food.
Seeing that he did not want to work at all, all the peasants in the village decided to hang him because he was not a good example for their community.
One day two villagers went to the lazy man’s house. They put him in a cart and took him to the gallows.
On the way to the gallows they met a lady. She did not know anything about the lazy man. She thought he was ill and those two villagers would take him to the doctor. The villagers told her that he was lazy not ill and they were taking him to the gallows because he was not a good example for their community. When the lady heard that, she felt pity for the lazy man. She decided to shelter him in her barn where she had plenty of crumbled bread for him to eat.
“What a lucky man! He is so lazy and has got a lot of good luck!” said the villagers. “Want to go there?” they asked him.
“Is the bread softened enough?” asked the lazy man.
“What a question! I can’t believe my ears! You can soak it by yourself, can’t you?” said the lady.
“What do you think? Want to soak the bread by yourself or not?” the villagers asked the lazy man.
“No way”, said the lazy man. “I prefer being hung to soaking the bread by myself”. Let’s go to the gallows! added the lazy man.
On hearing that the lady told the villagers the lazy man deserved to be hung.
So the villagers took him to the gallows. Thus all the villagers got rid of the lazy man.
Since then nobody in that village has dared to be lazy any more.
FIFTH ANECDOTE:
Five loaves
by Ion Creangă
Once upon a time, two men were traveling together along a road one summer day. One had three loaves of bread in his sack, the other, two. After some time they felt hungry and stopped in the shade of a weeping willow next to a water well. Each took the bread out of his sack, and so as to enjoy their meal more, they sat to eat together.
Just as they were taking the bread from their sacks, a third traveler, unknown to them, overtook them and stopping beside them, bade them good day. He then asked to share their food, as he was very hungry, had no provisions, and there was no place to buy anything.
"Come, good man! Share our hospitality" said the first two travelers to the stranger, "for, thank God, where two can eat, there is always enough for a third.”
The stranger, being very hungry he did not wait to be asked twice, but sat by the other two and all three ate dry bread and drank water from the well, for there was nothing else to drink. And the three of them ate and ate and ate, until the five loaves were all eaten, as if they had never been there at all.
When they had finished, the stranger took five coins from his purse and gave them to the man that had three loaves saying: "Good fellows! Please accept this small token of my gratitude, for you have indeed been friends. Further on, you can buy yourselves a glass of wine each, or do whatever you please with the money. I am unable to thank you for the kindness you have shown to me, for I was nearly blind with hunger."
The two travelers hesitated before accepting the money, but after a good deal of insistence on the third part they accepted. Then, a little later, the stranger said goodbye to the others, and continued on his way.
The two companions stayed a little longer in the shade of the willow to rest their bones. Then, having talked about one thing and another, the one who had three loaves gave two coins to the one that had two loaves, saying: "Here, brother! This is your share. Do what you like with it. You had two loaves so you ought to have two coins. For myself, I am keeping three coins, for I had three loaves the same size as yours as you know."
"How do you figure that?" said the other disparagingly. "Why only two coins and note two and a half each? The man was not obliges to give us anything. Then what would have happened?"
"What would have happened?" replied his companion. "I would have been in the next world for my three loaves and you for your two - and that's all. But now, the bread has been paid for by the stranger, and we have money in our purses; me with my three coins and you with your two; each according to the number of loaves we had. I don't see how the money could possibly be more fairly divided."
"Oh, no, my friend!" said the one with the two loaves. "I don't agree with your judgment. Let us take the matter to court, and will stick to whatever the judge decides."
"Alright, come along, then. To the court," said the other "if you are not content. I am sure the judge will agree with me, although I never been to a court of law in my life."
So off they went, decided to take their quarrel to the law. And when they came to a place where a courthouse was, they went before the judge and tell their story, each giving their own version. The judge, after hearing their case attentively, ask the owner of two loaves: "So you are not content with your share of money, my man?"
"No, Your Honor," said the discontented one. "We had no intention of taking the money of the stranger for the bread we gave him; but as it turns out he gave us some, we should have divided it equally. That is my idea on what is just."
"If it's a question of justice" said the judge, "then be good enough to return a coin to your companion."
"Well, that astonishes me you Honor," said the discontented one. "I came here to see justice done, and I find that Your Honor, who knows the law, is making me even more puzzled. If the last judgment is to be like that, then Heaven helps us!"
"So it seems to you," the judge said quietly, "but you will see that is not the case. Did you have two loaves?"
"Yes. I had two"
"Did your companion had three loaves?"
"Yes. He had three."
"Just a moment ago you told me that you all ate the same amount; is that right?"
"That is right Your Honor"
"Good. Now let us get it all clear, so we might know how much bread each of you ate: let us say that each loaf was divided into three equal parts, how many pieces did you have, for you had two loaves to begin with?"
"I had six pieces, Your Honor."
"And you companion, who had three loaves to begin with?"
"He had nice pieces, Your Honor."
"Now, how many does that make? Nine and six?"
"Fifteen pieces, Your Honor."
"How many men ate those fifteen pieces of bread?"
"Three men, Your Honor."
"Now, try to remember how many pieces you had."
"Six, Your honor."
"But, did you eat six?"
"Five, Your Honor."
"And how many were left over?"
"Only one piece, Your Honor."
"Do you remember how many pieces your companion had?"
"Nine, Your Honor."
"And how many did he eat?"
"Five, the same as I did."
"And how many had he left?"
"Four, Your Honor."
"Good! Now let us get this straight. You mean that you had only one piece left over, while your companion had four pieces left; now one piece from you and four pieces from your friend make five pieces together?"
"Exactly five, Your Honor."
"Is it true that the stranger ate those five pieces and gave you five pennies for them?"
"Yes, that is so, Your Honor."
"So only one coin was due you for you had only one piece left over, and it was just the same as selling it for one coin. As for your friend, he ought to have four coins because he had four pieces left over. So now, be so good as to return one coin to your companion. And if you feel that that is unjust then go to God and see if He will make a different judgment."
The owner of the two loaves, seeing there was no other solution, gave back a penny to his companion, very reluctantly, thanked the judge and went off blushing.
The owner of the three loaves, however, astonished at the verdict, thanked the judge and wet off saying:
"If there were judges like that everywhere who do not stand nonsense, then those who are in the wrong would never appeal to the law. And the so-called lawyers, having no longer any means of making a living from their talking, would either do an honest job of work, or else die of hunger. And good people would live in peace!"
Păcală and his father’s hat
Narrator: We are telling you a story about Păcală, our national hero, and his father. A story about hats, from the time when our famous folk hero was a child. So, little Păcală goes with his father by the train to town, to get at the fair.... They both stay on the corridor of the train, in front of an open window. They both wear hats. The naughty boy keeps his head out of the window all the time.
Father: Păcală, be good! Keep your head inside; the wind will pull out your hat, my son!
Păcală: Don’t worry father, my hat is tight!
Narrator: As big noise on the train, his father suddenly takes boy’s hat out of his head and hides it.
Păcală (crying): My hat was taken by the wind, Dad! How can I go to the fair without the hat?
Father: Did you see, my son, what happened if you didn’t listen to me? Come on, do not cry, and be good! If you relax, I’ll blow three times and bring your hat back. Will you listen to me?
Păcală: Yes, I will! Please, father!
Father: Close your eyes! After I blow three times, you will open your eyes, right?
Păcală: Yes, only to find the hat!
Father: One, two, three! (Blow three times, bringing the hat from behind and put it on Păcală’s head).
Păcală (when open his eyes): Hooray, my hat came back! Well done, my father! You are a magician, aren’t you? Nobody has a beautiful hat like mine!
Narrator: But look what's going! Suddenly, Păcală has got an idea! He grabs his father’s hat and throws it out of the window.
Father: What are you doing, Păcală? You threw my hat out of the window! I’ll beat you, naughty boy!
Păcală: Blow again, father, one, two, three, and your hat will come back. Come on, blow, Daddy! You are a magician, aren’t you?
(Angry father begins to beat Păcală)
Păcală: Help me! My father lost his mind!
A new school teacher
by Ion Luca Caragiale
The teacher: Honorable audience! We shall try to talk about the general method of teaching grammar and, after that, about the intuitive method of the logic of the things. So, what is Grammar?
The student: Grammar is...
The teacher: What is it? It couldn't be such a great thing!
The student: Grammar is the science about how the language works.
The teacher: Very well, bumpkin. I'm calling you “bumpkin” only to encourage you. Now, tell me, how are the nouns divided?
The student: There are nouns we can see them and nouns we can't see them, concrete and abstract nouns.
The teacher: Let's go further on the pedagogical field and ask: Have you, children, heard about gender? What is gender?
The student: Gender is like thing: masculine, feminine and heterogeneous or neuter. That means: for men, for women and for things which are not men or women.
The teacher: Examples!
The student: Horse is a masculine noun; it changes in mare and becomes a feminine noun.
The teacher: But the neuter gender?
The student: ?!!
The teacher: Neuter gender! If the horse is masculine and the mare is feminine, the mule is neuter.
Narrator: After this explanation, the student must understand completely the gender of all the nouns.
Mathematics comes next.
The teacher: Tell us, Bârsănescule, what do you understand when you say “curve”?
The student: When it is not straight.
The teacher (smiling): Oh! Which is not straight. Ok! But how is it if it is not straight?
The student: It is a line which goes and goes and comes again in the same place it started.
The teacher: Ok! We’ll talk about the intuitive method in pedagogies in our next conference.
The Anecdotes of TURKEY
1) ONE WHO PAYS THE MONEY…
When Hodja was on his way to the marketplace , children of the neighbourhood gathered around him and asked him to buy each one a whistle.Hodja agreed and as he was leaving one of the children gave him the money for his whistle.
In the evening,when Hodja returned from the market place,the children surrounded him and asked him whether he had bought whistles for them.He took out one whistle from his pocket,gave it to the child who had given him the money and said,
‘’The one who pays,gets to blow the whistle’’
2) THE CLEVEREST MAN IN THE WORLD
At the time of the Hodja,some clever and educated people were searchig for an intelligent man,who could answer their three questions.
They travelled through the whole world and then came to Akshehir(the place Nasreddin Hodja lived).They asked:
‘’Who is the most intelligent man in this town?’’
Of course the people of the town brought the Hodja to the clever people and they began to ask.
First question :Where is the central point of the world?’’
The Hodja’s donkey was with him.So he pointed to his donkey.
‘’Where the front legs of my donkey are,there is the middle point of the world.’’
‘’How can you prove that?’’asked one of the clever people.
‘’If you don’t believe,you can measure it’’,the Hodja said.
Measuring did not seem a good idea to them,so they went on to the next question.
‘’How many stars are in the sky?’’
The Hodja replied without hesitation:
‘’As many as the hairs on my donkey’s mane.’’
The clever people laughed.
‘’If you don’t believe it,’’said the Hodja.’’You can count them.’’
The foreigners understood that they could’t get the correct reply and one of them asked:
‘’Can you say how many hairs are there in your donkey’s mane?
‘’Oh yes’’,said the Hodja.There are exactly the same number of hairs as you have in your beard.Now don’t tell me that you don’t believe that because I can prove it by pulling one hair from your beard and one from the donkey’s mane.When we pull each hair out one after the other,you can see at the end that there are same number of hair.’’
The educated and clever people went back to their country and told everyone that the cleverest man in the world lived in Akshehir.
3) YOU BELIEVED THAT IT GAVE BIRTH
Hodja had borrowed his neighbour’s cauldron.A few days later,he put a bowl in it and returned it.When his neighbour saw the bowl,he asked,
‘’What is this?’’
Hodja answered,
‘’Your cauldron gave birth’’
His neighbour was very happy.He thanked Hodja and took the cauldron and the bowl.
A few weeks later,Hodja borrowed the cauldron again but this time he didn’t return it.When his neighbour came to ask for it,Hodja said,
‘’Your cauldron died.I am sorry.’’
The neighbour was surprised,
‘’Oh come on’’she said,’’Cauldrons don’t die’’
Hodja snapped back, ‘’Well ,you believed that it gave birth,then why don’t you believe that it died’
4) WHICH ONE IS MORE VALUABLE,TURKEY OR PARROT?
One day,Hodja goes to the market.Looking at the birds in the market,he sees a man selling a parrot for seventy-five gold pieces.He is very surprised to see this,and runs straight home.He takes his turkey from the garden,and puts it under his arm.Then he runs back to market.
‘’turkey!turkey!A magnificent turkey here for only two hundred gold pieces!’’he shouts,but nobody is interested.
After a few hours,a friend comes up to him.Hodja,are you mad?’’He asks.How can you try to sell a turkey for two hundred gold pieces ?’’
‘’That man sold his thin parrot for seventy five gold pieces,so why can’t I sell my nice fat turkey for two hundred?’’
‘’But Hodja,a parrot talks like a man.’’
‘’Maybe,’’answered Hodja,’’but my turkey thinks like a man’’
5) EAT, MY FUR COAT,EAT
Hodja was invited to dinner reception.He put on his old robe and went.When he noticed that nobody paid him any attention,he rushed back home,put on his new robe and fur coat,and returned to the reception.
This time,they greeted him at the door,exorted him to the table and offered him the most delicious dishes.Each time they placed a plate full of food in front of him,he dipped the collar of his fur coat into the food and said,
‘’eat my fur coat,eat!’’
Everybody was surprised.So they asked,
‘’What are you doing Hodja?’’
‘’Since all this attention and generosity is extended to my fur coat,it might as well eat the food,too’’he answered.
6) WHY DID YOU RIDE ON THE DONKEY BACKWARDS, HODJA ?
One day when Hodja was going to the mosque with his mullahs,he decided to ride on his donkey backwards.The mullahs asked,
‘’Why are you riding on the donkey backwards?You must be very uncomfortable.’’
He answered,
‘’If I sat facing forward,you would be behind me.If you went in front of me,I would be behind you.Either way I would not be facing you.So this is the most logical way!’’
7) DO AS YOU PLEASE
Hodja and his son were going to another village.His son was riding the donkey and Hodja was walking alone.A few people were coming down the road.They stopped and pointing at his son they muttered.
‘’Look at that!The poor old man is walking and the young boy is riding the donkey.The youth of today has no consideration.’’
Hodja was irritated.He told his son to come down,and he began to ride the donkey himself.Then he saw another group of people who remarked:Look at that man!On a hot day like this,he is riding the donkey and the poor boy is walking.’’
So,Hodja pulled his son on the donkey,too.After a while,they saw a few more people coming down the road.
‘’Poor animal!Both of them are riding on it and it is about to pass out.’’
Hodja was fed up.He and his son get down and started walking behind the donkey.Soon they heard a few people say,
‘’Look at those stupid people. They have donkey but not riding it.’’
Finally Hodja lost his patience.He turned to his son and said,
‘’You see,you can never please people and everybody says something behind your back.So,always do as you please.’’
The Anecdotes of BULGARIA
FIRST ANECDOTE:
Take the sound of the silver
Clever Peter went downtown to the Fair. He was going around from a stall to a stall, when suddenly he felt smelled of something delicious. Peter looked around and noticed the nearby inn and in front of it, a stove with a simmering pot on it. His hunger was straight away stimulated by the steam of the meal but he had no money in his purse.
"I must eat somehow!" – the poor Peter thought.
He stopped at the stove, looked at the pot, pulled out a piece of dry bread from his bag, kept it over the steam until it softened, and then ate it.
Meanwhile, the inn-keeper was looking at what Peter was doing. When Peter finished eating his bread, he got up, shook the crumbs off from the bag, wiped his mouth and chin and began to leave.
- Hey, wait! Where are you going? – The inn-keeper stood in Peter’s way.
- What? Me? I am going on my way! - Peter replied.
- You didn’t pay me!
- What for? – Peter wondered.
- For the meal!
- I only kept the bread above the pot - to soften it a little with the steam! ...
- for the team you must pay! Today and it costs money! - Insisted the inn-keeper and grabbed Peter by the collar.
At that time, people came by to hear the argument. Peter looked at them, smiled and asked them:
- People, which of you will give me one piece of silver to pay off this wicked inn-keeper. I will pay it back right away.
Several people loosened their purse strings. Clever Peter took only one piece of silver, and passed it by two fingers to the inn-keeper:
- Here you are – for all to see. I am paying you for the steam, which I ate, take the ringing of the silver as payment!
"Ding ...
Clever Peter dropped the silver on the pavement ... People scoffed at the greedy inn-keeper, and Peter was congratulated for his wit.
SECOND ANECDOTE:
The working man dresses nice and eats well
Clever Peter had a nephew and one day the boy came to visit him. The weather was rainy, the courtyard and the streets were muddy. While playing games, the boy soiled his legs and clothes. In the evening Clever Peter said:
- Now, my boy, wash your feet and clean your clothes from the mud.
- Uncle Peter, why do I have to wash and clean my clothes because tomorrow, like I play,
I will get dirty again! - Replied the boy.
Clever Peter got sad that his brother's son is not taught to be kept clean, and on the top of all he is lazy. He decided to give him a good lesson. In the morning, he said:
- Come on, my boy, get the shovel, the broom and go clean the yard, where the donkey slept last night…
- Uncle Peter, why are you always looking to give me work? - replied the boy and stretched himself. - What is the benefit from the current cleaning? The donkey will make it dirty again tonight.
- OK, if you say so! - Peter turned his head and pretended to be convinced.
In a while the little boy came out, and Clever Peter told his wife:
- Today you and me will eat in secret. Do not give him any food. Put the bread in the pantry and lock it.
- But why, Peter? The boy is our guest, isn’t he? We don’t treat our guests like this- the woman asked.
- We treat our guests as they deserve! - Peter laughed.
Sometime later the child got hungry. He often looked at the house and waited for inviting him for breakfast.When Peter came out, he asked him:
- Uncle, aren’t we going to eat?
- No, nephew, we no longer eat at home! - Peter replied seriously and went for work to the village.
The boy started to look at his aunt, but she gave him nothing to eat, nor cooked at all.
At noon Peter came back home, him and his wife went inside and had their lunch secretly. The boy hung around for a while and because he was already very hungry, asked again:
- Uncle, what time are we going to eat?
-Are you hungry? - Peter laughed.
-Yes, I am!
- Are you really hungry?
- I am starving!
- We will not eat anymore, my boy!
- But why? - he wondered.
- Why? Let me explain to you. You said there was no need to clean your clothes and to wash yourself because you would get dirty again, didn’t you? Right? Well… I have decided we will not eat anymore because what's the point of eating if we only will get hungry again! ...
The boy, his uncle Peter and his aunt laughed. Embarrassed, the boy immediately started to clean his clothes and wash himself, meanwhile his aunt began to cook and to set the table, and his uncle Peter twisted his moustache and said:
- The working man dresses nice and eats well!
THIRD ANECDOTE:
The poisonous banitsa
Cunning Peter was a poor boy. He was bound apprentice by his father to a local wealthy man for food. The wealthy man had no children and lived alone with his wife. Peter helped at home: took water, cut wood, picked weed and nettle for the pig.
One Sunday morning, the master’s wife rolled out sweet milk banitsa (a kind of Bulgarian pastry). The banitsa was not normal banitsa, it was one for rich people, with more sugar, eggs and butter. When the dish was baked brown and delicious, the mistress covered it with a cloth to make it stifled and soft. Then she got dressed, called Peter, and told him:
- Peter, I am going to church. Cut the wood and don’t let anyone to go into the house. Oh, and do not eat the banitsa! I made a mistake, instead of salt I put poison in it! You will poison yourself!
Having been left alone, Peter hung around the house but he always had a look at the baking pot. He was very hungry and did not believe the lie about the poison. He raised one of the ends of the covering cloth, felt the pleasant smell of the pastry, swallowed and could not bear anymore – pinched a piece and took a bite. He enjoyed the pastry a lot ... Without much thinking; he started eating with pleasure until the dish was half gone!
Then Peter went to the chopping log and took the ax to cut wood. But swiping at the wood, he broke the ax handle. He went back to the house, laid on the couch and as he was tired and not hungry anymore, fell asleep immediately. When the mistress came back home, she found him sleeping tight, saw half of the banitsa was left and poked him.
- Peter, Peter!
- What? – the boy startled, jumped and rubbed his eyes.
- Why did you eat the banitsa?
- Well… - whimpering, Peter said – While I was cutting wood, I broke the handle of the ax by accident. I was afraid of you not to beat me and decided to poison myself. I ate the pastry and laid down to die...
The gullible woman believed him, began to laugh and forgave him.
FOURTH ANECDOTE:
Eaten or not eaten – It will cost 3.50!
Passing through a village, Cunning Peter dropped by an inn to eat something. He sat on a bench and put his bag beside him. There were some other travelers at the table with him. Everyone wanted a meal, Cunning Peter also ordered food. Having eaten, there was plenty of food and fruit left on the table.
The others paid for their meal and Cunning Peter pulled out his money pouch to pay. The innkeeper told him:
- You have to pay three and the half more silver coins for your bag. If you didn’t leave it beside you on the bench, one more person would have sat at the table, ordered food and I would have earned more money. Cunning Peter became angry but then changed his mind and said:
-Okay, here you are another three and half silver coins! He took his bag down from his shoulder, opened it and said:
- Eat now, my little bag, I have just paid for your meal! - And he started to put all that was left on the table in his bag.
The innkeeper got angry and rushed to take the bag, but the other travelers told him:
- You are not right, buddy! The guy has the right, he paid for the bag!
Cunning Peter threw his bag on his shoulder and went away while the innkeeper was still filled with rage. Wise people say: “You sow what you reap!”
FIFTH ANECDOTE:
Three Pieces of Advice
It was a market day. Cunning Peter was walking on the streets. The village pub owner was standing in front of a shop. When he saw Peter he asked him:
- Peter, are you busy with work?
- No, I am not! - Peter replied.
- Can you help me? I have bought bottles and glasses. This basket is full of glassware. Take it to my pub by the car.
Peter took the basket and left.
- Let me tell you something! – The pub owner stopped him. – I have no money because I have spent all of it on glassware; I have only one silver coin left. I will give it to you and I'll tell you three pieces of advice.
- That’s fine! - Peter fit the load on his back and left.
As they were walking, the pub owner said:
- Peter, wait a minute. The first piece of advice which I have promised to you is: "If someone tells you that it is better to lie than to work, do not believe him! It is always better to work than to waste time!"
- Oh-oh, thanks for the good advice. That’s the first time I’ve heard that! - Peter said, smiled and kept walking carrying the basket.
In a while the pub owner stopped Peter again and said:
- Wait, Peter, and stop for the second piece of advice.
- Well, let me hear it! - Peter said and stopped as he rested the basket with glassware on a fence.
- If someone tells you that it is better to eat too much than be hungry - do not believe him! Because if you eat too much you will have nightmares!
- Oh, boss, to be honest that is clever story and I like it the most! If I lived another thousand years, I might not ever hear it from someone else! Thank you very much! - Cunning Peter laughed, wiped the sweat from his forehead and kept walking.
When they got to the pub, the pub owner stopped Peter for the third time and told him:
- Peter, let me tell you the last story.
Peter stopped and said: - Tell it!
- If someone tells you that there is sillier transporter than you - do not believe him! ...
- I have heard that before, boss, but if someone tells you that there is unbroken glassware left in the basket - you do not believe him either! – Peter laughed and dropped the basket on the pavement...
SIXTH ANECDOTE:
How Cunning Peter has eaten the whole lamb
Nasreddin Hodja and Cunning Peter went for a walk in the Pirin Mountain – to the Papaz chair. They roasted themselves a lamb, and sat down to eat it up. But being too greedy, they both were wondering how to cheat each other.
Nasreddin Hodja said:
- Come on, Peter, let’s eat!
- I think - Peter replied, - before eating, we should have a nap. After we wake up we will tell each other our dreams. Whoever’s dream is more interesting, he will eat the whole lamb.
They went to sleep. But Cunning Peter did not fall asleep. After they woke up, Cunning Peter said:
- What did you dream, Hodja?
- It was a wonderful dream! I dreamt that I had gone to heaven!
- Look, what a miracle! I also dreamt that you had gone to heaven! And as I stayed on the ground alone, I thought you would not come back anymore so I ate the whole lamb.
SEVENTH ANECDOTE:
How Cunning Peter and Nasreddin Hodja met
Nasreddin Hodja lived in Anatolia, in Asia Minor. He was very famous for his lies and jokes. Once he heard about a Bulgarian, Cunning Peter who was as good as him, and left for Bulgaria to find him.
Cunning Peter also learned about Nasreddin Hodja and wanted to meet him. He told his wife:
- My dear, put some bread, bacon, peppers, wine and stuff in the bag. I’m going to find Nasreddin Hodja.
And they left on their two donkeys - one from Anatolia, the other from Bulgaria.
Nasreddin Hodja rode and rode until he came to a field called Chorlu Field in Thrace, near Chorlu village. It was long with no grass or trees, only thorn bushes. He got bored not meeting any other people.
Cunning Peter came to this field as well. Suddenly he saw a man on a donkey back coming toward him. The Hodja also noticed the man riding a donkey towards him.
As they met, Hodja said:
- Merhaba! - It meant - Hello!
Cunning Peter replied:
- Hello!
They got off their donkeys, let them graze and put their cloths on the ground and prepared to eat. Cunning Peter took out peppers, bacon, wine, Nasreddin put on the table-cloth roast chicken, boiled eggs and a gourd full of water.
Having eaten, they lit a cigarette, and understood that they were different, they were not the same religion. Cunning Peter said:
- Where are you coming from?
- I am coming from Constantinople - Hodja replied.
Sly Peter asked him:
- What's in Constantinople? I am going there because it is a very famous city. I am going to stay there for two or three months, to see how local people live.
- Don’t go to Constantinople, turn back - Hodja said - a big bird has flown over and has spread its wings over the city and squawks and screams all day! Now the city is under its’ shadow, people have gotten ill and they are running everywhere!
- Well, if you are running from Constantinople, where are you going? – Cunning Peter asked him.
- I'm going to Bulgaria.
- Do you know that I am running from Bulgaria? A large egg fell there, a million tonnes, and it has destroyed all of Bulgaria! There were no people left alive! I saved myself and I am running to Constantinople!
Nasreddin burst into laughter:
- Hey, do you think I am a fool? Where does such a big egg come from?
- Hey - Cunning Peter answered him, -it was from that bird that first came to Bulgaria, laid its egg and then flew to Constantinople!
Looking in each others eyes, Nasreddin Hodja and Cunning Peter thought to themselves at the same time: This man is very clever! He lies more than me!
- Where are you from, buddy? - Nasreddin Hodja asked.
- I am from Bulgaria - Cunning Peter replied.
- And what is your name?
- My name is Cunning Peter.
- Well I'm looking for you!
Cunning Peter also asked him:
- Where are you from and what’s your name?
He replied:
- I'm from Anatolia and my name is Nasreddin Hodja.
- Well, I'm looking for you, too!
So this is how Cunning Peter from Bulgaria and Nasreddin Hodja from Turkey met.
They realized that they both were clever and cunning people.
THIRD ANECDOTE:
The poisonous banitsa
Cunning Peter was a poor boy. He was bound apprentice by his father to a local wealthy man for food. The wealthy man had no children and lived alone with his wife. Peter helped at home: took water, cut wood, picked weed and nettle for the pig.
One Sunday morning, the master’s wife rolled out sweet milk banitsa (a kind of Bulgarian pastry). The banitsa was not normal banitsa, it was one for rich people, with more sugar, eggs and butter. When the dish was baked brown and delicious, the mistress covered it with a cloth to make it stifled and soft. Then she got dressed, called Peter, and told him:
- Peter, I am going to church. Cut the wood and don’t let anyone to go into the house. Oh, and do not eat the banitsa! I made a mistake, instead of salt I put poison in it! You will poison yourself!
Having been left alone, Peter hung around the house but he always had a look at the baking pot. He was very hungry and did not believe the lie about the poison. He raised one of the ends of the covering cloth, felt the pleasant smell of the pastry, swallowed and could not bear anymore – pinched a piece and took a bite. He enjoyed the pastry a lot ... Without much thinking; he started eating with pleasure until the dish was half gone!
Then Peter went to the chopping log and took the ax to cut wood. But swiping at the wood, he broke the ax handle. He went back to the house, laid on the couch and as he was tired and not hungry anymore, fell asleep immediately. When the mistress came back home, she found him sleeping tight, saw half of the banitsa was left and poked him.
- Peter, Peter!
- What? – the boy startled, jumped and rubbed his eyes.
- Why did you eat the banitsa?
- Well… - whimpering, Peter said – While I was cutting wood, I broke the handle of the ax by accident. I was afraid of you not to beat me and decided to poison myself. I ate the pastry and laid down to die...
The gullible woman believed him, began to laugh and forgave him.
FOURTH ANECDOTE:
Eaten or not eaten – It will cost 3.50!
Passing through a village, Cunning Peter dropped by an inn to eat something. He sat on a bench and put his bag beside him. There were some other travelers at the table with him. Everyone wanted a meal, Cunning Peter also ordered food. Having eaten, there was plenty of food and fruit left on the table.
The others paid for their meal and Cunning Peter pulled out his money pouch to pay. The innkeeper told him:
- You have to pay three and the half more silver coins for your bag. If you didn’t leave it beside you on the bench, one more person would have sat at the table, ordered food and I would have earned more money. Cunning Peter became angry but then changed his mind and said:
-Okay, here you are another three and half silver coins! He took his bag down from his shoulder, opened it and said:
- Eat now, my little bag, I have just paid for your meal! - And he started to put all that was left on the table in his bag.
The innkeeper got angry and rushed to take the bag, but the other travelers told him:
- You are not right, buddy! The guy has the right, he paid for the bag!
Cunning Peter threw his bag on his shoulder and went away while the innkeeper was still filled with rage. Wise people say: “You sow what you reap!”
FIFTH ANECDOTE:
Three Pieces of Advice
It was a market day. Cunning Peter was walking on the streets. The village pub owner was standing in front of a shop. When he saw Peter he asked him:
- Peter, are you busy with work?
- No, I am not! - Peter replied.
- Can you help me? I have bought bottles and glasses. This basket is full of glassware. Take it to my pub by the car.
Peter took the basket and left.
- Let me tell you something! – The pub owner stopped him. – I have no money because I have spent all of it on glassware; I have only one silver coin left. I will give it to you and I'll tell you three pieces of advice.
- That’s fine! - Peter fit the load on his back and left.
As they were walking, the pub owner said:
- Peter, wait a minute. The first piece of advice which I have promised to you is: "If someone tells you that it is better to lie than to work, do not believe him! It is always better to work than to waste time!"
- Oh-oh, thanks for the good advice. That’s the first time I’ve heard that! - Peter said, smiled and kept walking carrying the basket.
In a while the pub owner stopped Peter again and said:
- Wait, Peter, and stop for the second piece of advice.
- Well, let me hear it! - Peter said and stopped as he rested the basket with glassware on a fence.
- If someone tells you that it is better to eat too much than be hungry - do not believe him! Because if you eat too much you will have nightmares!
- Oh, boss, to be honest that is clever story and I like it the most! If I lived another thousand years, I might not ever hear it from someone else! Thank you very much! - Cunning Peter laughed, wiped the sweat from his forehead and kept walking.
When they got to the pub, the pub owner stopped Peter for the third time and told him:
- Peter, let me tell you the last story.
Peter stopped and said: - Tell it!
- If someone tells you that there is sillier transporter than you - do not believe him! ...
- I have heard that before, boss, but if someone tells you that there is unbroken glassware left in the basket - you do not believe him either! – Peter laughed and dropped the basket on the pavement...
SIXTH ANECDOTE:
How Cunning Peter has eaten the whole lamb
Nasreddin Hodja and Cunning Peter went for a walk in the Pirin Mountain – to the Papaz chair. They roasted themselves a lamb, and sat down to eat it up. But being too greedy, they both were wondering how to cheat each other.
Nasreddin Hodja said:
- Come on, Peter, let’s eat!
- I think - Peter replied, - before eating, we should have a nap. After we wake up we will tell each other our dreams. Whoever’s dream is more interesting, he will eat the whole lamb.
They went to sleep. But Cunning Peter did not fall asleep. After they woke up, Cunning Peter said:
- What did you dream, Hodja?
- It was a wonderful dream! I dreamt that I had gone to heaven!
- Look, what a miracle! I also dreamt that you had gone to heaven! And as I stayed on the ground alone, I thought you would not come back anymore so I ate the whole lamb.
SEVENTH ANECDOTE:
How Cunning Peter and Nasreddin Hodja met
Nasreddin Hodja lived in Anatolia, in Asia Minor. He was very famous for his lies and jokes. Once he heard about a Bulgarian, Cunning Peter who was as good as him, and left for Bulgaria to find him.
Cunning Peter also learned about Nasreddin Hodja and wanted to meet him. He told his wife:
- My dear, put some bread, bacon, peppers, wine and stuff in the bag. I’m going to find Nasreddin Hodja.
And they left on their two donkeys - one from Anatolia, the other from Bulgaria.
Nasreddin Hodja rode and rode until he came to a field called Chorlu Field in Thrace, near Chorlu village. It was long with no grass or trees, only thorn bushes. He got bored not meeting any other people.
Cunning Peter came to this field as well. Suddenly he saw a man on a donkey back coming toward him. The Hodja also noticed the man riding a donkey towards him.
As they met, Hodja said:
- Merhaba! - It meant - Hello!
Cunning Peter replied:
- Hello!
They got off their donkeys, let them graze and put their cloths on the ground and prepared to eat. Cunning Peter took out peppers, bacon, wine, Nasreddin put on the table-cloth roast chicken, boiled eggs and a gourd full of water.
Having eaten, they lit a cigarette, and understood that they were different, they were not the same religion. Cunning Peter said:
- Where are you coming from?
- I am coming from Constantinople - Hodja replied.
Sly Peter asked him:
- What's in Constantinople? I am going there because it is a very famous city. I am going to stay there for two or three months, to see how local people live.
- Don’t go to Constantinople, turn back - Hodja said - a big bird has flown over and has spread its wings over the city and squawks and screams all day! Now the city is under its’ shadow, people have gotten ill and they are running everywhere!
- Well, if you are running from Constantinople, where are you going? – Cunning Peter asked him.
- I'm going to Bulgaria.
- Do you know that I am running from Bulgaria? A large egg fell there, a million tonnes, and it has destroyed all of Bulgaria! There were no people left alive! I saved myself and I am running to Constantinople!
Nasreddin burst into laughter:
- Hey, do you think I am a fool? Where does such a big egg come from?
- Hey - Cunning Peter answered him, -it was from that bird that first came to Bulgaria, laid its egg and then flew to Constantinople!
Looking in each others eyes, Nasreddin Hodja and Cunning Peter thought to themselves at the same time: This man is very clever! He lies more than me!
- Where are you from, buddy? - Nasreddin Hodja asked.
- I am from Bulgaria - Cunning Peter replied.
- And what is your name?
- My name is Cunning Peter.
- Well I'm looking for you!
Cunning Peter also asked him:
- Where are you from and what’s your name?
He replied:
- I'm from Anatolia and my name is Nasreddin Hodja.
- Well, I'm looking for you, too!
So this is how Cunning Peter from Bulgaria and Nasreddin Hodja from Turkey met.
They realized that they both were clever and cunning people.
The Anecdotes of PORTUGAL
FIRST ANECDOTE:
Teacher / School
The teacher asks for homework, that the students write some sentences.
Joãozinho comes home and goes to his father and says:
Father, tell me a sentence?
-I did nothing.
Joãozinho goes to his brother and says:
- Tell me one sentence!
-Only if you come with me.
The next day the teacher asks:
Joãozinho, your sentences?
-I did nothing.
What?! Go right now to the office of the Headmaster.
-Only if you come with me.
SECOND ANECDOTE:
Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
1st woman: Hi! Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just killed over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive
THIRD ANECDOTE:
Mother-in-love-joke (In a zoo)
A man was with his family visiting the zoo,when an employee gets all flustered and says :
-Sir,sir!
The man replies:
-What?What is the problem?
-A disgrace!Your mother in law fell into the pit of alligators.
The man.mostly calm,says to the employee:
-I do not care!You've to deal with saving the alligators.
FOURTH ANECDOTE:
The teacher and couple (in school)
There was a couple, in Lisbon, who had a daughter who thought she was an exemplary and intelligent student, because she has always had success in her studies. But…in the 4th grade she failed!
The father was very angry with this. He couldn’t believe what has happened. It was not comprehensible. He went to school to get satisfaction from her teacher.
Father: "Miss Joaquina why didn’t my daughter pass?
Teacher: "Because she did not know history!"
Father: " but Miss what is it history?
Teacher: For example, if the first king of Portugal was married, divorced and if he had children here and there…
Father: "Look, Miss Mary, I told my daughter and I warn you, too, my daughter comes to school to learn how to read and write not to know about anyone's life.
FIFTH ANECDOTE:
In the street
A man finds his friend in the street and says:
- Hi, you're just like my mother, the only difference is the mustache!
The friend says:
- But I do not have a mustache!
- Yeah, but my mother has.
SIXTH ANECDOTE:
In a police station
A man went to the police station and said:
- I came to complain, because my mother was gone.
The chief question:- How long has she gone?
- Two weeks!! - Said the son in law.
- And only now are you coming to complain?
- Is it hard to believe that I had such luck!
SEVENTH ANECDOTE:
At home ...
The father calls the son to wake up and go to school.
The son replied: Father I don’t want to go…And I give you 3 reasons not to go:
1 - I'm sleepy.
2 - I do not like going to school.
3 – The children laugh at me.
The father replies:
So, I give you three reasons why you have to go:
1 - Is your obligation.
2 - You have 48 years.
3 - You're the headmaster.
FOURTH ANECDOTE:
The teacher and couple (in school)
There was a couple, in Lisbon, who had a daughter who thought she was an exemplary and intelligent student, because she has always had success in her studies. But…in the 4th grade she failed!
The father was very angry with this. He couldn’t believe what has happened. It was not comprehensible. He went to school to get satisfaction from her teacher.
Father: "Miss Joaquina why didn’t my daughter pass?
Teacher: "Because she did not know history!"
Father: " but Miss what is it history?
Teacher: For example, if the first king of Portugal was married, divorced and if he had children here and there…
Father: "Look, Miss Mary, I told my daughter and I warn you, too, my daughter comes to school to learn how to read and write not to know about anyone's life.
FIFTH ANECDOTE:
In the street
A man finds his friend in the street and says:
- Hi, you're just like my mother, the only difference is the mustache!
The friend says:
- But I do not have a mustache!
- Yeah, but my mother has.
SIXTH ANECDOTE:
In a police station
A man went to the police station and said:
- I came to complain, because my mother was gone.
The chief question:- How long has she gone?
- Two weeks!! - Said the son in law.
- And only now are you coming to complain?
- Is it hard to believe that I had such luck!
SEVENTH ANECDOTE:
At home ...
The father calls the son to wake up and go to school.
The son replied: Father I don’t want to go…And I give you 3 reasons not to go:
1 - I'm sleepy.
2 - I do not like going to school.
3 – The children laugh at me.
The father replies:
So, I give you three reasons why you have to go:
1 - Is your obligation.
2 - You have 48 years.
3 - You're the headmaster.
The Anecdotes of HUNGARY
FIRST ANECDOTE:
The magic jacket
by Ferenc Móra
- part: The little apprentice -
Performer:
• Ferkó, the little apprentice - F
• His mother, Mrs Móra - M
• Mrs. Baker - B
• Mr Gergulics, the merchant - G
• Panna, the little customer - P
Locale: a little village, a bakery and a bookstore
Properties: table, chair, bookshelf
F: - Mom! I’m hungry!
M: - My dear sun! Here is a little bread.
F: - Mom! I would like to work! I want to earn money!
M: - It’s impossible! You are only 10 years old.
F: - No! I heard: Mrs Baker is hunting high and low for an apprentice…
M: - Get into your jacket, and go!
M, F: - Good morning, Mrs Baker!
B: - Morning! Can I help you? Bread is not in trick.
M: - We heard: You are hunting an apprentice… My son would like to be an apprentice.
B: - He seems too lank. He is very young.
M: - Yes, he is.
F: - No! I’m 11.
B: - He can't stand the heat.
M: - No, he can’t.
B: - I suggest that you should try it in the bookshop. It will be easier.
M: - Thank you. Good bye!
B: - God bless you!
M, F: - Good morning, Mr Gergulics!
G: - Welcome, Mrs Móra! What can I do for you?
M: - Mrs Baker sad: you can employ my sun.
G: - The boy is very young. Can you read?
F: - Yes, I can!
G: - Read!
F: - Robinson Crusoe
G: - And this?
F: - The knight and the dragon
G: - Very good! The boy is clever! Can you count?
F: - Yes, of course!
G: - Look! How much is it?
F: - 2 penny
G: - How much is that?
F: - 3 penny
G: - Together?
F: - 5 penny.
G: - To be admitted! I must go to the town. If you can begin now, and will be good merchant: I’ll give you 2 penny a day. Is it correct?
M: - Thank you so much! It is perfect!
G: - Make an effort, my young friend! Memorize: first row – 2 penny, second row – 3 penny, third row – 5 penny
M: - Be a good merchant! See you afternoon!
F: - Mr Gergulics! Don’t worry, be quiet! Good bye!
P: - I’d like to buy a book. Have you got Robinson Crusoe?
F: - No. I haven’t. Choose another book, please, or some gingerbread instead of it!
P: - How much is it?
F: - Go away!
P: - Yippi! Search for Robinson! You will get some gingerbread! Go to the bookshop!
Ferkó is reading.
After the students rived the shop:
G: - What… What happened? You are a bad hat! I went smash! Get out!
SECOND ANECDOTE:
What is the most in the world?
King Matthias met with his four senior advisors and after the meeting they laughed and joked together.
As usual the court jester was with the King, who asked.
What is there most of in the World?
Kinizsi said: Poor people!
Kids, because there are more children than poor people.
There is more grass than kids.
But there are more stars on the sky than grass on the ground.
Matthias looked at the court jester, who was sitting in the corner.
My friend, what do you think? What is there most of in the world?
I think, my friend, there are more doctors than anything else in the world.
They all laughed, and the king laughed, too.
You are really a crazy man, my friend, if you think this.
The court jester stood up and went to the next room, because the lords laughed at him.
After a minute, they heard the court jester’s horrible howling. Immediately it was reported to the king that the nice court jester was ill, and perhaps he was dying. The lords stood up, the king as well, and they hurried to the court jester to see what happened to him?
He was lying on the floor, moaning bitterly.
Where do you feel pain?
What’s wrong with you?
He said nothing, he just kicked his legs in the air and shouted when somebody touched him. They were sorry for him, and wondered what they should do?
He needs to be bled!
Bring leeches quickly, and he will be better soon.
Pour a bucket of cool water over him.
Kinizsi braced himself.
No, I’ll massage his damned body and I know he will recover immediately.
But all the people who came into the room said something different: they advised hot wine, cold water, medicinal herb, and they couldn’t hear because they kept interrupting each other.
The jester then sat up and said ‘Do you see the dozens of doctors in the room, my friend? If there are so many doctors in a small place, how many are in the world?
Matthias was glad to hear the court jester speak and he wasn’t angry that the court jester had played a trick on him and his senior advisors.
THIRD ANECDOTE:
Stone-soup
Characters: old woman
young girl
young man(S)
S: If nobody gives me food, I will cook stone soup.
Soldier: Good evening. Is there anybody here?
Old woman: Who are you? What do you want here?
S: I’m a peasant, I’m going home. I’m very tired. Can I get a bed?
O: Yes, of course. Come in.
S: Auh! Oh!
girl: Are you ill?
S: No, I’m not…. But I’m so hungry. Can I get some food?
O: I’m sorry, but I haven’t got any food.
S: Oh, what a pity!
Look: it’s a stone.
Can I have some water?
girl: Oh, yes, you can. The well is over there.
S: Can I get a big pot?
girl: Yes, of course, you can.
S: Can I make a fire?
girl: Why not?
S: Then I’ll go to get some firewood.
O: Do you think you can cook some soup from it?
S: I don’t think – I know.
girl: I’m so excited! S: So Am I.
O: Is it boiling?
S: Yes, it is. Can I get a spoon? And some salt?
O: Yes, you can.
A spoon …. and a little salt.
S: Hm! It’s very good.
O: Do you like it?
S: Yes, I do.
O: Can I taste it?
S: I’m afraid you won’t like it. If only I had a handful of millet!
O: I have some …… I have just a handful of millet.
Is it ready?
S: Yes, I think it is. Oh, if only you had some fat!
O: But I have….. Yes, I have just a little fat.
S: How do you like it, dear women?
O and girl: It is very good. I like it!
S: If only we had some bread!
O: You are right, we should have some bread with it.
Stone-soup! I can’t believe it. But it’s true: if you are clever, you won’t go hungry.
FOURTH ANECDOTE:
The Little Rooster and the Diamond Button
Once upon a time there was a little bower, where an old lady and her pet rooster lived. One day the Little Rooster went out into the yard and scratched and scratched and suddenly he scratched out a diamond button.
- Cock a doodle doooo! I like diamond buttons! I’ll take this home to my good mistress. She likes diamond buttons too.
He was walking home when he met the Sultan. He was a very important man in the land of Turkey. He saw the Little Rooster with the diamond button.
- Give me the diamond button, little rooster!
- I will not!
- Than I will take it away! Hey, footmen, catch that Little Rooster. Take his diamond button from him and put it in my treasure chamber in the palace.
The Little Rooster went home without his diamond button.
- Hello, Little Rooster. Where were you?
- In the yard. I found there a diamond button, but the bad Sultan took it away. But I will get back!
- Take care, my darling. Come home soon. Be lucky.
Next day the Little Rooster flew up to the Turkish Sultan’s window and crowed:
- Cock a doodle dooo! Sultan! Give me back my diamond button!
- I will not! Hey, footmen, throw this little Rooster into my deep-deep well full of water!
And they did! But the Little Rooster had a magic stomach and he started to cried out:
- Come, my Empty Stomach. Come, my Empty Stomach. Drink up all the water in this well.
His stomach began to drink. He drank and drank and drank. He drank up all the water in that well. And he flew up the Turkish sultan’s window and crowed:
- Cock-a-doodledoooooo! Sultan! Sultan! Give me back my diamond button!
- I will not! Hey, footmen, catch that Little Rooster and throw him into a fire. That will be the end of him.
But the Little Rooster cried out.
- Come, my Empty Stomach... Come, my Empty Stomach. Spit out all the water from the well and put out the fire.
The Little Rooster’s stomach spat out all the water from the well and put out the fire. So it couldn’t burn him at all. And he flew up the Turkish Sultan’s window and crowed:
- Cock-a-doodle-doooo! Sultan! Give me back my diamond button.
- I will not! Hey, footmen, catch that Little Rooster and throw him into a bee hive. Let the bees sting him.
But the Little Rooster cried out:
- Come, my Empty Stomach. Come, my empty stomach, and eat up all the bees in the
bee hive!
His stomach ate up all the bees in the bee hive. They buzzed around inside but couldn’t sting his magic stomach. He flew up to the Turkish Sultan’s window and crowed:
- Cock-a-doodle-dooooo! Sultan! Give me back my diamond button.
- I will not! What will I do with him?
- Chop off his head – said the first servant.
- Hang him from the highest tree – said the second one.
- Sit on him and squash him – said the third one.
- This is the very good idea because I am a very heavy man. Catch that Little Rooster. Drop him on my throne and let me sit on him and squash him!
But the Little Rooster cried out:
- Come, my full stomach. Come, my full stomach and let out all the bees and sting that Sultan!
- Oh oh! Ow Ow! OOO OOO!” footmen, catch that Little Rooster. Take him to my treasure chamber and let him have his old diamond button. I never want to see him again.
- Take your diamond button and go home – said the man at the Treasury.
- I will take the diamond button and the gold and silver, the emeralds and rubies….. Come, my empty stomach! Come my empty stomach and eat up all the treasure in the Sultan’s treasure chamber.
- It doesn’t matter. I still have enough treasure left – said the Sultan.
His stomach did that, and when he was very full, he waddled home.
- Look. What I have brought for you – and showed the diamond button to his good mistress. -
- It’s fantastic! It will be enough until the end of our life.
And they lived richly and happily ever after.
FIFTH ANECDOTE:
Dog market in Buda
Once upon a time there was a mean and funny man who tried to cheat everybody. Once this man came home from Buda and he began to boast about it. He told he got money for dogs he had sold in Buda
.A poor man heard this and asked him how he got so much gold. The mean man said: "Well, I was in Buda and I got to know that the king needed a lot of dogs and he paid a lot for them. I bought dogs and took them to the king. Look, I've got much money for them. Why don't you do the same?"
The poor man believed everything. He sold his thin cow and bought lots of dogs instead of it. He went to the castle to visit the king but the guards didn't allow him to enter. The poor man became very sad because he realized that he was made a fool..
King Matthias looked out of the window and he caught sight of the man crying. He ordered the poor man to come in front of him. The man told Matthias how he had been cheated. The king pitied him but remembered the name who mocked the poor man. He let the dogs run away and rewarded the poor man with a hundred gold coins.
When the mean man heard this, he became greedier. He sold everything he had and bought dogs, too. The guard didn't want to let him into the castle but the king called him to himself. He recognized him to be the cheater. He told him:" I'm very sorry, but you're late. There was only once a dog market in Buda." The man had to leave empty-handed.
He got what he deserved for cheating innocent people.
SIXTH ANECDOTE:
King Matthias and the Daughter of the Judge
Once upon a time, King Matthias heard about a judge who was never sad.
“Good for him,” the king said. “If that is his only problem, then I can give him some trouble.”
He ordered one of his attendants to bring a leaky jar for this judge to repair, lest he would be executed. The attendant did as he was told, and the judge became so sad that he couldn’t eat for days. The judge’s beautiful daughter asked her father about his problem.
“Our king ordered me to mend this jar, lest he should execute me,” the weary judge replied.
“But dad, this is simple. Return the jar to the king and tell him that in order to sew it, he must turn it out. After all nothing can be sewn without turning it out.”
“You are very clever, my dear!” the judge said, and he followed his daughter’s advice.
The king was pleased with the answer, but he came up with a second assignment. He sent a rock to the judge and told him to skin it. The judge became very upset, but his daughter came to his aid again.
“King Matthias wants me to skin that rock or I’ll be executed,” sighed the judge.
“But this is very simple, dad. Just return it to the king and tell him that in order to skin it, the rock must be bled out first. After all, nothing could be skinned without bleeding it,” replied the clever girl.
The judge did as he was told. The king found out that the judge’s girl solved all his tasks. So he sent a note to her. He ordered her to visit him, but not to come by horse, on foot, nor by chaise. She was not come neither on the road nor on the side of the road. She must be dressed but she must be naked as well and she must bring a present and mustn’t bring one as well.
It was a strange request indeed, but the girl solved it. She undressed except for a piece of cloth. She caught a pigeon and held it between two plates. She brought out their goat and she put her right leg on the animal. In this way she headed towards Buda.
“My king, I’m here as you requested. I came neither on foot, nor by chaise or horse. I did not come on the road or at the side of the road. I’m naked but there is something on me at least. And here is the present.”
She released the pigeon and it flew away.
“Unfortunately, the present flew away so I brought one and I didn’t bring one either,” the judge’s daughter smiled.
“Very good, dear,” King Matthias said. “You have done very well”
This is how the clever girl solved the King’s tasks.
SEVENTH ANECDOTE:
King Matthias and the Beggar
King Matthias was in his court in Visegrád and he was enjoying a joust, when an old beggar appeared in front of him. The king stopped the game to hear the beggar’s plea.
“My dear king, please give me a big sum of money. After all, we are both the kin of Adam and Eve, so we are brothers,” said the beggar.
The king nodded and he put a single coin in the man’s his hat.
The beggar was astonished. “My dear king,” he said, “My life is yours, but what have I done if I only deserve a simple coin from a brother?”
The wise king answered, “Go with God’s blessing. If every brother of yours gives you as much as I, you will be the richest man on Earth.”
THIRD ANECDOTE:
Stone-soup
Characters: old woman
young girl
young man(S)
S: If nobody gives me food, I will cook stone soup.
Soldier: Good evening. Is there anybody here?
Old woman: Who are you? What do you want here?
S: I’m a peasant, I’m going home. I’m very tired. Can I get a bed?
O: Yes, of course. Come in.
S: Auh! Oh!
girl: Are you ill?
S: No, I’m not…. But I’m so hungry. Can I get some food?
O: I’m sorry, but I haven’t got any food.
S: Oh, what a pity!
Look: it’s a stone.
Can I have some water?
girl: Oh, yes, you can. The well is over there.
S: Can I get a big pot?
girl: Yes, of course, you can.
S: Can I make a fire?
girl: Why not?
S: Then I’ll go to get some firewood.
O: Do you think you can cook some soup from it?
S: I don’t think – I know.
girl: I’m so excited! S: So Am I.
O: Is it boiling?
S: Yes, it is. Can I get a spoon? And some salt?
O: Yes, you can.
A spoon …. and a little salt.
S: Hm! It’s very good.
O: Do you like it?
S: Yes, I do.
O: Can I taste it?
S: I’m afraid you won’t like it. If only I had a handful of millet!
O: I have some …… I have just a handful of millet.
Is it ready?
S: Yes, I think it is. Oh, if only you had some fat!
O: But I have….. Yes, I have just a little fat.
S: How do you like it, dear women?
O and girl: It is very good. I like it!
S: If only we had some bread!
O: You are right, we should have some bread with it.
Stone-soup! I can’t believe it. But it’s true: if you are clever, you won’t go hungry.
FOURTH ANECDOTE:
The Little Rooster and the Diamond Button
Once upon a time there was a little bower, where an old lady and her pet rooster lived. One day the Little Rooster went out into the yard and scratched and scratched and suddenly he scratched out a diamond button.
- Cock a doodle doooo! I like diamond buttons! I’ll take this home to my good mistress. She likes diamond buttons too.
He was walking home when he met the Sultan. He was a very important man in the land of Turkey. He saw the Little Rooster with the diamond button.
- Give me the diamond button, little rooster!
- I will not!
- Than I will take it away! Hey, footmen, catch that Little Rooster. Take his diamond button from him and put it in my treasure chamber in the palace.
The Little Rooster went home without his diamond button.
- Hello, Little Rooster. Where were you?
- In the yard. I found there a diamond button, but the bad Sultan took it away. But I will get back!
- Take care, my darling. Come home soon. Be lucky.
Next day the Little Rooster flew up to the Turkish Sultan’s window and crowed:
- Cock a doodle dooo! Sultan! Give me back my diamond button!
- I will not! Hey, footmen, throw this little Rooster into my deep-deep well full of water!
And they did! But the Little Rooster had a magic stomach and he started to cried out:
- Come, my Empty Stomach. Come, my Empty Stomach. Drink up all the water in this well.
His stomach began to drink. He drank and drank and drank. He drank up all the water in that well. And he flew up the Turkish sultan’s window and crowed:
- Cock-a-doodledoooooo! Sultan! Sultan! Give me back my diamond button!
- I will not! Hey, footmen, catch that Little Rooster and throw him into a fire. That will be the end of him.
But the Little Rooster cried out.
- Come, my Empty Stomach... Come, my Empty Stomach. Spit out all the water from the well and put out the fire.
The Little Rooster’s stomach spat out all the water from the well and put out the fire. So it couldn’t burn him at all. And he flew up the Turkish Sultan’s window and crowed:
- Cock-a-doodle-doooo! Sultan! Give me back my diamond button.
- I will not! Hey, footmen, catch that Little Rooster and throw him into a bee hive. Let the bees sting him.
But the Little Rooster cried out:
- Come, my Empty Stomach. Come, my empty stomach, and eat up all the bees in the
bee hive!
His stomach ate up all the bees in the bee hive. They buzzed around inside but couldn’t sting his magic stomach. He flew up to the Turkish Sultan’s window and crowed:
- Cock-a-doodle-dooooo! Sultan! Give me back my diamond button.
- I will not! What will I do with him?
- Chop off his head – said the first servant.
- Hang him from the highest tree – said the second one.
- Sit on him and squash him – said the third one.
- This is the very good idea because I am a very heavy man. Catch that Little Rooster. Drop him on my throne and let me sit on him and squash him!
But the Little Rooster cried out:
- Come, my full stomach. Come, my full stomach and let out all the bees and sting that Sultan!
- Oh oh! Ow Ow! OOO OOO!” footmen, catch that Little Rooster. Take him to my treasure chamber and let him have his old diamond button. I never want to see him again.
- Take your diamond button and go home – said the man at the Treasury.
- I will take the diamond button and the gold and silver, the emeralds and rubies….. Come, my empty stomach! Come my empty stomach and eat up all the treasure in the Sultan’s treasure chamber.
- It doesn’t matter. I still have enough treasure left – said the Sultan.
His stomach did that, and when he was very full, he waddled home.
- Look. What I have brought for you – and showed the diamond button to his good mistress. -
- It’s fantastic! It will be enough until the end of our life.
And they lived richly and happily ever after.
FIFTH ANECDOTE:
Dog market in Buda
Once upon a time there was a mean and funny man who tried to cheat everybody. Once this man came home from Buda and he began to boast about it. He told he got money for dogs he had sold in Buda
.A poor man heard this and asked him how he got so much gold. The mean man said: "Well, I was in Buda and I got to know that the king needed a lot of dogs and he paid a lot for them. I bought dogs and took them to the king. Look, I've got much money for them. Why don't you do the same?"
The poor man believed everything. He sold his thin cow and bought lots of dogs instead of it. He went to the castle to visit the king but the guards didn't allow him to enter. The poor man became very sad because he realized that he was made a fool..
King Matthias looked out of the window and he caught sight of the man crying. He ordered the poor man to come in front of him. The man told Matthias how he had been cheated. The king pitied him but remembered the name who mocked the poor man. He let the dogs run away and rewarded the poor man with a hundred gold coins.
When the mean man heard this, he became greedier. He sold everything he had and bought dogs, too. The guard didn't want to let him into the castle but the king called him to himself. He recognized him to be the cheater. He told him:" I'm very sorry, but you're late. There was only once a dog market in Buda." The man had to leave empty-handed.
He got what he deserved for cheating innocent people.
SIXTH ANECDOTE:
King Matthias and the Daughter of the Judge
Once upon a time, King Matthias heard about a judge who was never sad.
“Good for him,” the king said. “If that is his only problem, then I can give him some trouble.”
He ordered one of his attendants to bring a leaky jar for this judge to repair, lest he would be executed. The attendant did as he was told, and the judge became so sad that he couldn’t eat for days. The judge’s beautiful daughter asked her father about his problem.
“Our king ordered me to mend this jar, lest he should execute me,” the weary judge replied.
“But dad, this is simple. Return the jar to the king and tell him that in order to sew it, he must turn it out. After all nothing can be sewn without turning it out.”
“You are very clever, my dear!” the judge said, and he followed his daughter’s advice.
The king was pleased with the answer, but he came up with a second assignment. He sent a rock to the judge and told him to skin it. The judge became very upset, but his daughter came to his aid again.
“King Matthias wants me to skin that rock or I’ll be executed,” sighed the judge.
“But this is very simple, dad. Just return it to the king and tell him that in order to skin it, the rock must be bled out first. After all, nothing could be skinned without bleeding it,” replied the clever girl.
The judge did as he was told. The king found out that the judge’s girl solved all his tasks. So he sent a note to her. He ordered her to visit him, but not to come by horse, on foot, nor by chaise. She was not come neither on the road nor on the side of the road. She must be dressed but she must be naked as well and she must bring a present and mustn’t bring one as well.
It was a strange request indeed, but the girl solved it. She undressed except for a piece of cloth. She caught a pigeon and held it between two plates. She brought out their goat and she put her right leg on the animal. In this way she headed towards Buda.
“My king, I’m here as you requested. I came neither on foot, nor by chaise or horse. I did not come on the road or at the side of the road. I’m naked but there is something on me at least. And here is the present.”
She released the pigeon and it flew away.
“Unfortunately, the present flew away so I brought one and I didn’t bring one either,” the judge’s daughter smiled.
“Very good, dear,” King Matthias said. “You have done very well”
This is how the clever girl solved the King’s tasks.
SEVENTH ANECDOTE:
King Matthias and the Beggar
King Matthias was in his court in Visegrád and he was enjoying a joust, when an old beggar appeared in front of him. The king stopped the game to hear the beggar’s plea.
“My dear king, please give me a big sum of money. After all, we are both the kin of Adam and Eve, so we are brothers,” said the beggar.
The king nodded and he put a single coin in the man’s his hat.
The beggar was astonished. “My dear king,” he said, “My life is yours, but what have I done if I only deserve a simple coin from a brother?”
The wise king answered, “Go with God’s blessing. If every brother of yours gives you as much as I, you will be the richest man on Earth.”
The Anecdotes of POLAND
FIRST ANECDOTE:
There’s no real friendship in this world nowadays. The last example of such I remember was found in Ottoman forest. Lived there Mieszek a friend of Leszek, and Leszek a friend of Mieszek. Their friendship was great: they went everywhere together and shared whatever they had. People said that when they found a nut they divided it into two. In a word such friends were to find nowhere. You would say: two souls in one body.
One day they were talking about their friendship lying in the shadow of oak.
L: You know, there’s no better friend than you.
M: Yes, I feel the same my dear friend. You’re like a brother to me.
they were talking to the sound of birds’ songs when suddenly they heard a roar. Leszek jumping as a woodpecker along the trunk escaped on the tree. Unfortunately Mieszek wasn’t as fit as Leszek. He raised his hands and begged Leszek
M: ”Help me my friend!”
But his friend almost reached the peak of the tree. Mieszek had time only to blink. He turned pale, fell down on the ground but the bear was almost there. The animal came across the body, touched it,
Bear: Is it dead? it smelled it,
B: Yak, it stinks, it’s definitely dead. So it growled with disgust and walked away because
B: Polish bears don’t eat stale meat.
Then Mieszek came to life.
L: “ You were in serious trouble”
Shouts to him his friend from the tree.
L: “You were lucky that it didn’t scratch you. But why was he sniffing you so long , it looked as if it was whispering you something?”
M: ”Yes, it said to me the well known bear’s proverb:
“A friend in need is a friend indeed”
SECOND ANECDOTE:
PAWEŁ AND GAWEŁ
Paweł and Gaweł live together in one house,
Paweł upstairs and Gaweł downstairs.
Paweł calm, doesn’t come into anybody’s way,
Gaweł crazy, invents the wildest adventures,
And hunts in his room
Here a dog, there a hare – between the tables, chairs,
Chases, runs, turns somersaults,
shoots and plays the trumpet, and shouts till he is tired.
Paweł puts up with it, until one day
He goes to Gaweł and asks politely:
“Please Mr, have mercy on me Mr,
hunt a little bit quieter, please!
Because my windows are breaking”
Says Gaweł: “ My home is my castle”
Paweł says nothing
He comes back home and put his hat on his head.
Next day Gaweł sleeps tightly and snores,
But suddenly something drops on his nose from the ceiling.
He jumps out of his bed and runs upstairs.
(Knock, knock) – It’s closed.
He peeps through the keyhole
And what he sees? the whole room is sinking in water,
And Paweł is sitting on the chest of drawers with a fishing rod.
Gaweł: What are you doing Mr?
Paweł: I’m fishing.
Gaweł: But Mr, the water drops on my head.
And Paweł replies: My home is my castle!
From this story a moral comes:
As you do to the others, the others do to you.
THIRD ANECDOTE:
THE TURNIP
1. One day I planted a turnip in my garden.
I watched it everyday.
When it grew firm and strong I decided to eat it with a slice of bread.
I grabbed the turnip and pulled.
I pulled and pulled but I couldn’t pull it out.
I needed some help.
“Grandma please help me”
2. I took hold of him and we pulled and pulled but we couldn’t pull it out.
We needed some help.
Grandson please help us!
3. I took hold of the grandma and we pulled and pulled but we couldn’t pull it out.
We sweat, puffed, groaned heavily.
We needed some help
“Max, my dear puppy, please help us”
4. I took hold of the boy and we pulled and pulled but we couldn’t pull it out.
We needed some help
“Kitten, please help us”
5. I took hold of the dog and we pulled and pulled but we couldn’t pull it out.
We sweat, puffed, groaned heavily.
We needed some help
“Dear Hen, please help us”
5. I took hold of the kitten and we pulled and pulled but we couldn’t pull it out.
We needed some help
“Dear goose, please help us”
6. I took hold of the hen and we pulled and pulled but we couldn’t pull it out.
We sweat, puffed, groaned heavily.
We needed some help
“Dear stork, please help us”
7. I took hold of the goose and we pulled and pulled but we couldn’t pull it out.
We needed some help
“Dear frog, please help us”
8. I took hold of the stork and we pulled and pulled but we couldn’t pull it out.
We sweat, puffed, groaned heavily.
9. They didn’t stop
They gathered their strengths and pulled
When suddenly the turnip says “trrach” – they pulled out the turnip
But what an embarrassing moment it was
They all fell down at one another
the turnip at the grandpa
the grandpa at the grandma
the grandma at the grandson
the grandson at the puppy
the puppy at the kitten
the kitten at the hen
the hen at the goose
the goose at the stroke
the stroke at the frog
the frog at the grass.
Grandpa: Remember everybody:
Only united we are strong.
FOURTH ANECDOTE:
Ill Pussy Cat
Mr Pussy Cat was ill and he was lying in bed. Then the doctor came and asked:
“How are you my dear kitty?”
“Oh, I’m bad, really bad”
– and he pulled out his hand to the doctor. The doctor took the cat’s pulse. And that was what he said:
“You ate too much. What’s worse not mice but ham and fat. It’s really bad…. you’ve got fever! Oh really bad, my kitty. Oh, you will have to stay in bed for a very long time . You can eat nothing but gruel. No sausage, no pork, no pie.
“ so maybe a tiny mouse?”
the cat asked,
“or just a few little birds’ legs?”
“No, heaven forbid! Leeches and strict diet and a lot of good luck”.
So the pussy cat was lying, neither sausage not ham did he try and the mice smelled so nicely.. Look how bad gluttony is. The cat went too far. The poor creature had to bear the punishment. So learn this lesson children, this can also happen to you: God save us from greed!
FIFTH ANECDOTE:
The Hen
Hello children. I will tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a hen who looked down on people and world. She often expressed her believes:
“Good upbringing is the most important thing”
One day she invited she invited some guests to teach them good manners. The first entered the donkey, but he broke the jug with flowers. The hen shouted :
“What a stupid donkey”
Then the cow came. Just as she took the first step she broke the window with her left horn. The angry and strict hen called:
“What a cow”
Next the pig dirty with mud came. The hen red with anger shouts:
“For heaven sake! What are you doing! Who has seen to make such a big mess. What a pig!”
Then was the ram’s turn. He wanted to sneak quietly and sit down in the second row on the roost. But the roost broke down. The angry hen said:
“What a stupid ram!”
And at the end she added:
“My lessons are useless. Nobody is able to teach these animals good manners. Too bad! Everybody get out! “
And the guests went away. Do you think my dear children, was this hen a well=brought up hen?
SIXTH ANECDOTE:
Stefek The Brave
It is hard to find a braver boy
Than Stefek the Brave
-‘I’m not afraid of anyone!
Even the bear - is not a challenge!
Wolves? – I will kill and cut into pieces the whole pack!
Those hyenas, those leopards
They are just little pussy cats!
And panthers and tigers
I will impale them on my stick!
Lion!...What is a lion? A big pussy cat!
I have read about it!
I know that beast ,
It’s angry, only when hungry!
Jackal, wolf? What a terrifying animal!
It’s just a bigger dog!
(I walk around my dog Bryś very far
Because I don’t like when it barks)
I will defeat anyone who I want to!
I will cross the ocean
And I won’t be myself
If I don’t catch the whale!’
And in such way our brave boy boasts about himself for the whole day .
Until one day. He was sleeping tightly on the hay.
When suddenly he wakes up.
He looks and what he sees:
A strange animal is trying to eat his breakfast
He leaps to his feet
And screams terribly!
He runs away as fast as he can!
-‘Daddy, daddy! A tiger, I saw a tiger!”
-“A tiger? Really? – the father asks
-‘ Oh, a lion probably! It had hooves.
A terrible beast! It had three or four legs,
Huge jaws! And horns…”
-“Where was it?” – the father asks
- ‘There, on the hay.
It has just stolen my breakfast.”
So they are all going to see the place, the father and the servants
They look and what they see…. A little mouse
The field mouse sitting and nibbling the cheese.
SEVENTH ANECDOTE:
A lazy boy
A lazy boy is sitting on the sofa,
He hasn’t done anything for the whole day.
“Oh! I beg your pardon!
How can you say that? Am I not doing anything?
Who is sitting on the sofa?
Who has eaten breakfast?
Who has twiddled his thumbs?
Who has scratched on his head?
Who has lost his boots?
Can’t you see? Hasn’t it been me?”
A lazy boy is sitting on the sofa,
He hasn’t done anything for the whole day.
‘Oh! Excuse me! Haven’t I drunk the fish oil?
Haven’t I wash my ears?
Haven’t I torn a button of my shirt?
Haven’t I poke my tongue?
Haven’t I had my hair cut?
Will you call it nothing?
A lazy boy is sitting on the sofa,
He hasn’t done anything for the whole day.
He hasn’t been to school, because he didn’t want to,
He hasn’t done his homework , because he didn’t have enough time.
He hasn’t tied his shoelaces, because he didn’t want to.
He hasn’t said “Good morning”, because it was too much trouble with it.
He hasn’t given water to his dog, because the well was too far away.
He hasn’t fed the canary, because he wanted to save time.
He was supposed to eat supper – but he just nibbled it .
He was supposed to lie in bed – but he didn’t manage to do it – he fell asleep.
He was dreaming that he was doing something tiring.
And he got so tired with this dream that he woke up.
The Anecdotes of ENGLAND
FIRST ANECDOTE:
Martin sat and laboriously filed his accounts. Every Friday, for more than 40 years, he had sat in this tiny office sorting the accounts for the small Florists shop he owned. He put income in one tray, and output in another. The papers sat piled up beside him. His desk overflowed with documents.
Martin sat and laboriously filed his accounts. Every Friday, for more than 40 years, he had sat in this tiny office sorting the accounts for the small Florists shop he owned. He put income in one tray, and output in another. The papers sat piled up beside him. His desk overflowed with documents.
“I’m never going to finish this tonight” he sighed.
He sat for a further hour and methodically sorted his papers. Eventually, the piles began to diminish. Just then his daughter came in.
“Dad, why do you sit doing your accounts in this way? It takes so long. Why don’t you use the computer?”
“I am used to doing it in this way. Yes, it takes a while but I know what I am doing.”
“You’re mad!” exclaimed his daughter. “A computer would do it in half the time!”
“Yes. You are probably right” Martin sighed “but you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”.
SECOND ANECDOTE:
It was the night of the school reunion. More than 20 years had gone by since they had all been at school together. Jane was excited, but nervous too.
SECOND ANECDOTE:
It was the night of the school reunion. More than 20 years had gone by since they had all been at school together. Jane was excited, but nervous too.
“How will everyone look now?” she thought. “How will we all have changed?”
A faint smile played on her lips as she remembered her school days. It seemed a lifetime ago. But then a frown formed on her brow. Sally Potter! She had forgotten about her. Sally Potter had made her school days sad and lonely at times. Sally Potter with her constant jibes and bullying had spoilt school for Jane. Jane thought of that last day, when Sally had waited until the end-of-year prom to do her worst. Jane wore an exquisite dress. It had cost her mum a fortune. She had shoes to match, also expensive, and beautiful flowers in her hair. Jane had to admit, she was one of the loveliest girls in the room. Sally had glared at her when she walked in, but Jane had felt proud. But later on that night, Sally had come up to her table, and while leaning across the table to pour a glass of blackcurrant juice, had spilt a whole jug onto Jane’s dress. It was ruined.
“You did that on purpose!” cried Jane.
“Of course I didn’t!” exclaimed Sally, but Jane noticed that she smiled and pulled a face at her when the others were mopping up the spilt drink.
“My dress was ruined. My night was ruined” remembered Jane.
All these years later and she still seethed with hatred for Sally.
The night of the reunion arrived. Jane had to admit she looked stunning. She walked into the room on the arm of her husband Luke. It was lovely to see her old friends, it was as though all the years slipped away and they were schoolmates again. Just then, Jane felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned, and was astounded to see Sally standing there. Jane could feel the memory of the prom night bubbling up inside her, but before she could speak Sally said
“I’m glad I got to see you, Jane. I wanted to apologise. I made your school life horrible by my bullying and spiteful behaviour towards you. It was because I was jealous of you, because you were so pretty and popular. I have often thought of how terrible I must have made you feel and I am ashamed. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I wanted to say this to you anyway. I’m sorry”.
Jane looked at Sally. She really did look sorry. All the bad feelings she had felt towards her melted away. It had happened a long time ago. They were different people now.
“I accept your apology” said Jane “Now let’s go and get a drink. I’m dying of thirst!”
“You forgive me?” questioned Sally. “I don’t understand!”
“Come on, Sally! A drink! It’s in the past. Let’s let sleeping dogs lie” and grabbing Sally’s arm, Jane led her to the bar.
THIRD ANECDOTE:
It was official. David’s life was over. He had two pieces of homework to do, and only one night to do them in. Mr. Smith was not going to let him away with this one. It would be a month of detentions for him now.
THIRD ANECDOTE:
It was official. David’s life was over. He had two pieces of homework to do, and only one night to do them in. Mr. Smith was not going to let him away with this one. It would be a month of detentions for him now.
“Drat!” exclaimed David. “I knew I shouldn’t have gone out playing football last night. I knew this work needed done, but I still ran out as though I didn’t have a care in the world! That’ll teach me!”
David sighed and set about his Maths homework first. An hour passed, and then there was a knock at the door. It was Ben.
“Hi! What are you doing here? We need you on the team! We are a man down and we’ll never beat the bulldogs if we are a man down! Come on, David. We need you!”
“I can’t come” moaned David. “I have two pieces of homework to be done by tomorrow. I’m never going to be able to finish them. Old Smithy is going to kill me!”
“I’ve done all mine!” smiled Ben. “It was easy!”
“Yeah, well you’re good at Maths and I’m not” sighed David.
“Come on, mate. You promised me you’d play on my team” said Ben, suddenly serious.
“I can’t, Ben. I’m sorry. But I doubt I’ll be able to finish one piece of homework tonight, let alone two! I have to stay in.”
“I’ll tell you what” Ben calmed. “The English homework is easy. It’s comprehension and will only take a short while. You can do it when you get back”.
“But the maths!” cried David. “What about the maths?”
“I’ll do the maths” Ben said.
“You will?” questioned David. “Why?”
“I’m only going to do it this once” said Ben firmly “You should have done it already. But I really need you to play on the team. You play tonight, and I will do your maths homework when we finish. Ok?”
Both boys smiled and shook hands.
“You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours!” they said in unison.
FOURTH ANECDOTE:
The Treasure of Callow Pit
Today, you could get rich quick by winning the lottery, but, long ago, poor people stayed poor and finding a horde of treasure was your only hope! The idea of buried treasure or gold has inspired many a myth or legend and one such story involves Callow Pit.
The pit lies on the boundary of the parishes of Southwood and Moulton in Norfolk. There is a tradition that an iron chest, filled with gold, is hidden deep in its depths!
One summer's day, many years ago, two daring and adventurous young men noticed the unusually low level of the water in the pit and grasped their chance. Times were hard and a chest full of gold would transform their lives. They felt it worth the risk of falling into the dark forbidding waters.
The young men were determined to obtain the gold, so they formed a platform of ladders that bridged the pit and slowly and carefully searched the dark waters.
After much difficulty, they found the chest and passed a pole through the ring of the chest lid. With a great effort they hauled it up from the waters.
Jubilant, the young men placed the pole on their shoulders and prepared to bear off their prize across the bridge of ladders.
They laughed as they clasped the chest and one of them cried, "We've got it safe. Not even Old Nick (the devil) can get it from us now!"
In an instant, the pit was enveloped in a cloud of steam with a strong choking sulphurous smell; a black hand and arm rose from the depths and, emerging through the water, grasped the chest.
A terrific struggle took place - the young men pulling to secure the chest, the devil to recover it. It was an uneven contest.
Unable to bear the enormous strain, the chest was ripped from the pole by which the men had it secured and the chest, with the gold, sank beneath the water, never again to be seen by a mortal eye.
The young adventurers carried away nothing. Well, that is not quite true, for there was one reminder of their tussle with the devil as, during the struggle, the ring of the chest had snapped away and was still attached to the pole!
The young men placed the ring on Southwood Church door, where it still serves to close the door and to remind those who visit the church, both of the truth of the legend and the danger of challenging the devil.
As for the mysterious pit, although the devil's hand has never been seen again, it is said that a headless horseman rides at midnight, from Callow Pit to a place called Cantley Spong, a distance of about a mile. So the pit may still have new mysteries and stories to tell.
FIFTH ANECDOTE:
The Split Grey Goose Feather
You might have a few feathers at home in your duvet, pillow or cushions but, in the time when Charles I was king, feathers were bought and sold for mattresses and quills with which to write. There was another important use of grey goose feathers for the fenlanders of East Anglia, a tradition that went back a very, very long way.
If you saw a grey goose feather split down the middle, then that meant that somebody was in need of help. All fenlanders would carry a grey feather and, when in need, they only had to produce the split feather and all true fenlanders would help them.
During the English Civil war, in 1646, when King Charles I was on the run from Cromwell's troops, he had to flee across the fens to escape capture. The king had been given refuge at Fordham in Norfolk.
Not far away, in the village of Southery, lived a publican, well known for his knowledge of the fenland tracks across the dangerous marsh. One day, the publican was visited by two very fine looking gentlemen with thoroughbred horses. They asked the publican if he would guide the king across the marshes to Huntingdon, where his forces were waiting to escort him. When he saw the gold on offer, the publican's eyes lit up.
That night the publican was brought before the king. Some of the king's attendants were not sure that he could be trusted with the king's life. When questioned, he drew from his pocket a grey goose feather. He took out his knife and cut the feather in half. He put one half in his pocket and gave the other half to the king.
"I am a fenlander," he said. "Now by my honour I can do nothing but aid His Majesty; for all fenlanders must protect one carrying this token even if it means their death."
The publican was indeed an expert guide. The men changed their thoroughbred horses for two sturdy fenland ponies. First crossing Southery fen and then Littleport fen, they soon came to the ford in the river just outside Huntingdon. Their hearts sank, as the crossing was brimming with Cromwell's men.
All was not lost though; the publican took out the split grey feather and held it up. The troops looked to the exhausted king, who did the same. The two travellers were then ushered through to safety. The publican returned home with his gold, to his pub and a stable with two fine horses and, on this occasion, the king got clean away.
When he heard what had happened, the officer in charge of the troops was furious.
"These men were meant to ensure the king did not escape!" he fumed.
The sentries were brought before Cromwell. Cromwell, who was born in Huntingdon, knew of these fen traditions and was lenient with his troops. It was better, he said, for a king to escape, than for a fenman not to help a man with a split feather in his hand. He was to be haunted by these words.
Eventually, the king was captured and sentenced to death. The night before the sentence was to be carried out, an emissary from the king arrived while Cromwell was at supper.
The messenger said, "Sir, His Majesty does not ask for mercy as he is God's anointed monarch. All that His Majesty asks, is that he is afforded that due to one who holds this token."
To everyone's surprise, except Cromwell's, the messenger produced a split grey goose feather from his pocket and placed it on the table before Cromwell.
Cromwell's face went white and he dismissed all those who were gathered with him. All that night Cromwell sat and stared at the goose feather, fighting with his conscience. The next morning, Cromwell was found still sitting at the table and still staring at the goose feather.
But Cromwell did not intervene for the king. The next day, the king was beheaded on a scaffold outside the Banqueting House at the Palace of Whitehall, London. Failure to honour the fenland tradition troubled Cromwell's conscience for a long time to come.
Men who had served him loyally and well were not happy. Cromwell's life became even harder to bear, when some of his men sent back to him bent or broken split feathers that he had given to them, when they promised to fight for him. They told him they were going back to the fens, where there were still men who kept their word and would never be false to the old traditions!
SIXTH ANECDOTE:
The Legend of the Fens
The fens have their own special gods but it takes a special kind of person, and a special situation, to get the gods on your side. Mandru, the Celtic chief, knew just how to do it! Unfortunately, the Romans did not.
The Fenlands run from Lincoln in the north to Cambridge in the south. Only a sophisticated drainage system prevents the fens becoming water logged. However, legend has it that the fens were once much drier, providing a landscape of lakes and forests.
It was a landscape in which the Romans saw many opportunities; the large areas of dry wooded land, the fertile soil and the well-stocked lakes along with the beds of reed and alder, which could be harvested and used. The Fens were worth the time and effort it would take to claim them, or so the Romans thought.
To oversee the Fenlands, the Romans sent Valerian, a tyrant, who governed with little respect for the local people or their customs. Matters came to a head one day when he captured Rowena, daughter of the Celtic chief Mandru, and forced her into slavery.
On hearing of his daughter's capture, Mandru gathered his countrymen together. They made plans to overthrow the Romans but, while they were doing this, the Roman guards suddenly attacked and took the Celts prisoner to the palace of Valerian.
Here they were tortured and put to death - all except Mandru, who managed to escape. He went into hiding and carefully laid his plans. Unlike the Romans, he knew how to engage with the local gods of water, the sky and of dreams.
Several months later, a stranger came to town warning all the Celtic slaves to leave the town by nightfall.
That night, those who had stayed were awoken by a great gale; they saw the town gates had been opened, so they took a chance and made their escape.
They met up with more Celts who had escaped from other settlements. Some were unsure of what to do next but the stranger appeared again and revealed himself as Mandru. He told them the gods were very angry and that they must make haste to higher ground immediately.
The power of the storm increased to a tempest and, at midday, the Romans thought they saw a cloud moving swiftly towards them. The cloud turned into a great wall of swirling water, which swept up everything in its path, including the Romans and their houses. Where there had been forest, the land appeared like a sea scattered with small islands, so powerful was the water.
Mandru led his countrymen back, in triumph, to these lands and declared them for the marsh-men. The damp atmosphere often saw the fens covered with a thick long-lasting mist. In these lands, the hardy and resourceful marsh-men stayed, using all their skill as fishermen and wildfowlers to survive the hostile conditions.
Although the Romans continued to drain parts of the Fens, creating Akerman Street, a tract running from Kings Lynn to Cambridge, large areas were left alone. After all, you never quite knew what was lurking in the misty vapour of the fenland night!
SEVENTH ANECDOTE:
Devil's Dyke
Many places in this area have names, which seem to suggest 'strange goings-on' in the past. The Devil's Dyke is a large ditch, stretching from the Suffolk Hills to the fen edge at Reach. The name 'Devil's Dyke' probably came from a belief that the land had been shaped by some supernatural force! It is an area steeped in myths and legend.
Long, long, ago, when the area around Reach was a forest, there lived a chief called Hrothgar. He lived at a time when gods and demons were thought to control the earth and one demon in particular was terrifying - the fire demon!
To the horror of the chief, it appeared that the fire demon desired his beautiful daughter, Hayenna. Hrothgar told his daughter not to worry, as his very good friend, the water god, was the sworn enemy of the fire god. He knew that the water god could communicate between the under and over world and would keep her safe.
One night Hrothgar had a dream. In his dream, an old man appeared and told him that the fire demon had a new ally in the tempest god.
"You must prepare for a great battle", the old man told him. The next day, Hrothgar told all the giants of the forest his plans.
First, they cut down all the trees to make a wide clearing. During the next three days, they built a great ditch from the river to Mount Dithon (Wood Ditton), many feet deep and seven miles long.
The tempest god had watched their work with interest and scorn. Just as they were starting to tire from the hard work, he sent a great storm to blow down the trees on top of them. The storm also brought rain, hail and snow in great quantities. The giants of the forest rounded on Hrothgar, saying he should not have angered the gods and should not have crossed the powerful fire demon.
"Do not be afraid," Hrothgar told them. "My good friend, the water god will protect us."
At that very moment, the rain ceased. Suddenly, under a great cloud of smoke, a terrifying wall of fire rushed towards the ditch. All but Hrothgar fled. Despite his fear, he came out from shelter and, with his bare hands, dug away the remaining strip of earth, separating the River Cam from the ditch.
The water poured into the ditch with a mighty, deafening roar! The fire demon was powerless against this mighty wall of water and the fire died down, the tempest stopped and his daughter was safe.
Rejoicing, the local people placed treasured items in the new stream, to thank the water god for his help. The ditch, the Devil's Dyke is still there. The fire demon never troubled the population of Reach again.
However, not all the demons have disappeared, for there have been many sightings of a large black dog with fire in his eyes. He is said to bound along Devil's Dyke, his blood-red eyes as big as saucers, guarding the dyke and, some also say, the treasure buried deep beneath it.
